The Holidays

Christmas is fast approaching.  It’s typically a time of year that I look forward to. I usually love shopping, picking out things that I think are great gifts, decorating and baking.
This year however, is quite different.  Skipping Christmas entirely sounds more like my cup of tea. I miss Cayden right now so much it physically hurts. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, like when you hit a big drop on a roller coaster? That’s the feeling I get every time the thought that she’s “actually gone” registers again in my mind.
This year I was looking forward to doing all of the really fun holiday activities with her. I searched on Pinterest for the best Elf on a Shelf ideas.  This year she was finally old enough to really get into Santa and Christmas and asking for presents. I’m sure I was more excited than she was to get to wake up Christmas morning and find the presents she specifically asked for under the tree.
Sadly, she will not have Christmas with us this year.  I didn’t even put up a tree, wrap presents or put any decorations up this year.
On November 22nd Brent and I took her to the Grand Illumination Parade in downtown Norfolk. I’m so very glad we got the opportunity to take her this year.  While we were waiting for the parade to start, someone passed out a list to the children so they could write their name, address and their Christmas wish list down to give to Santa. After the parade we also had tickets to see Santa himself!
Cayden was excited that entire day. She told me over and over again what she was going to ask Santa for. She wanted a pink snake, a guitar, a flute, an Elsa baby doll and a powerwheels car.  She screamed with excitement when I told her Daddy was on his way home and we would be headed to the parade soon.
Below are some pictures from the parade that night. Her holding her list she put together for Santa is one of my favorites.
After the parade that night, Brent and I came home and ordered everything she specifically asked Santa for.  Its been hard in the last couple weeks to call and ask to return these items because we no longer need them.
I know Cayden is in Heaven now, and she wants for nothing.  I’m sure she is up there waiting for Santa and she knows she will get everything she asked for.  I only wish I could be there to see her open her gifts.





6 thoughts on “The Holidays

  1. My heart just hurts for you. You have so many mom’s out there that share just a ounce of your pain, most don’t even know you. You have NO idea how many people your out there touching by sharing your grief and love for Cayden. Wishing you anything positive just to help a minute get by without her.

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  2. I am so sorry Jessica…My heart aches for you. I can’t even imagine the emptiness you have right now, but just know that you have people that care and want to help anyway we can . Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us all. You have so many beautiful photos of your precious angel….It’s almost as if God was telling you to take as many pictures and film everything to preserve the memories. She was a true blessing…and I pray that God gives you some comfort knowing that she was a precious gift and a keepsake in your heart.

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  3. I pray for you, your husband,family and friends everyday. My heart hurts for your brokenheart. Even though I only met your little beauty once I felt like I knew her I guess because of Whitney and Joels love for her and I loved seeing her pictures everyday on fb and ig. I am so happy you started this blog because journaling is one way to keep moving forward in your grief and as a blog God is using it to help others ((hugs))

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  4. That picture of Cayden with Santa is absolutely precious! I miss seeing her sweet face at AEL. You are all in my thoughts each day and during this holiday season.

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  5. My heart aches for you and your family. Though I do not know you personally I heard about your adorable daughter on facebook and haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all. I can already tell from everything I’ve read and all the photos I’ve seen that you and your husband filled every day of your daughter’s life with love and joy. In fact she probably felt more love and joy in her three years here than some people feel in a lifetime. I will be sending prayers to you all.

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