My New Years Thoughts

~ jessicasmithvabeach

This New Years Eve I am sad….this upcoming year will be hard.  As I sat and thought about what I want in the new year, what sort of resolutions I might want to make, I of course immediately thought of Cayden.  What kind of person she would have been in 2015 and what kind of person I would be with her.  So, as I look forward, I want to stay positive.  In 2015, I’m going to live the way Cayden would have and in the way she would want me to.

   My first plan is to live life to the fullest.  Cayden was so adorable when you would tell her we were going to run an errand.  I would pick her up from daycare, get her strapped in the car seat and she would say “where we going mommy?”  I would say, “well, do you want to go to the grocery store with mommy?”  And she would scream “YAY!!!!” at the top of her lungs.  The basic, everyday activities that we as adults don’t typically get excited for, and usually dread, were things that Cayden thought were exciting.  From helping me fold clothes to giving Maple a bath, she looked forward to these activities and made them fun.  I looked forward to doing them simply to see the look on her face when I told her she could help me.  This upcoming year, I want to look at life through Cayden’s eyes.  Every day is a gift, and you should cherish the moments you have here and enjoy your life.
   My next plan is to just be myself…to dance like no ones watching.  Anyone who has been around Cayden knows that girl will break it down anytime, anywhere.  She loved to dance, listen to music and sing at the top of her lungs.  She didn’t care who was around or what anyone thought.  When she felt it, she did it.  On vacation this summer we went to Darrell’s restaurant in Manteo for lunch.  The song “Let it Go” came on while we were eating.  Cayden stood up in the booth and belted out every word right there.  Luckily, since we had a toddler, we knew to eat lunch at 2:30 so we wouldn’t disturb others.  When she stood there singing Brent and I could not stop laughing.  She would also shake her booty in the most random places.  While shopping at Sam’s Club one afternoon, a random song came on that she just HAD to dance to.  So while waiting in line to check out, she just danced her little butt off.  Everyone around us was smiling and laughing, throughly entertained by this cute little girl dancing in the check out line.  Cayden wanted anyone who was with her to have fun…no matter where you were or what you were doing.  So for Cayden, this year we need to enjoy ourselves and just do what makes you happy.  Maybe we can take a trip to Sam’s and have a dance party 🙂
   In 2014 there have been a lot of stories in the news regarding hate.  Hating other people because of the color or their skin, or their religion or their personal choices.  I hear these things and then I think about Cayden.  Cayden never once asked me why someone was different.  She never once made a comment about anyone looking different….she just didn’t care!  She loved everyone and everyone who met her fell in love with her.  She was smart and vibrant and gave the best bear hugs.  Cayden didn’t care what you looked like, who you loved, what color you were….whatever.  If you were nice to her, she was nice to you and you were her best friend.  That’s the kind of person I wanted her to grow up and be, open-minded, sweet, loving.  And that’s exactly the person she was.  In Cayden’s honor, I think we should all start thinking a little more like her.  Worry less about why people are different, and just love them for who they are.
   With all the hate in the world, I started to wonder if there were any good people left.  When you listen to all the terrible things going on in the world, you start to feel like there’s no one left who cares.  Losing Cayden is and will always be the hardest thing I will ever have to endure.  Having said that, the love and support that has poured out to us over this last month has been remarkable.  People I barely know, even people I don’t know at all, have sent cards, letters, plants, flowers, gifts, donations; it really has been amazing.  This has shown me that there are still MANY good people in the world, people who will stand by you when you’re down and will support you when you need it most.  Even strangers.  In 2015, I want to be one of these people as well.  Someone who helps others when they need it most.  It is very inspiring.
   As 2014 comes to a close, I want to keep these ideas in mind for the New Year.  Enjoy the little things in life.  Embrace who you truly are. Love each other.  Help those who need it.  Be more like Cadybug ❤
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Enjoy the pics below of Cayden loving life 😉
_20141231_143322 _20141231_143022 _20141231_143303      _20141231_143246

16 thoughts on “My New Years Thoughts”

  1. This is the most inspiring blog I have EVER read. You are a true inspiration to us all. No wonder your cadybug was such an angel…..she was created by an Angel! God Bless you Jessica!

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    1. I love the pour out of expression and love towards Cadybug. You showed me that loving your child cherishing the moments you have with them will never be forgotten. Enjoy each day I will look at my Lil girl and son as if no memories will ever be lost. Thank you for this you inspired me.

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  2. I echo Kim’s thoughts. Cayden’s joy will live on through you. What you’ve written here brought tears to my eyes and makes me think of different ways I should behave and think about things in 2015. You are an inspiration.

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  4. Beautiful Jessica! You are so strong. You & Brent have to be the best parents ever–Cadybug was everywhere & she did everything. She lived more in her short time here than most people ever do. I loved her independence & her sassy personality!!! Cayden had great parents who made sure she experienced everything & she was SO loved! You can see the love in every picture. My most favorite picture of her is when she’s wearing her princess dress & kissing her daddy. She will always be with her mommy & daddy.

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  6. Well said Jess. You are an inspiration! Cayden was a mirror image of you and I’ll always see her through you. Sending you a big hug as we round into the new year.

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  11. Jessica, I don’t know if you remember me, but I worked at PWHD with your mom. My heart goes out to you and your family. I didn’t know your daughter, but from what I have heard and read, she was such an amazing little girl. God has a special Angel. Your strength keeps Cayden living in us all. Dee Black

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  13. I continue to be inspired by your strength. I have thought many times about you and your beautiful baby girl, and I am amazed every time. Your blog is so very true and I love your outlook. I will do my best to live like Cayden. As a mother myself, I have seen many random booty shakings that make me laugh out loud. I admire you and your family and will continue to pray for you. Thank you for this post and all the wonderful pictures. They are all heart warming. Again, you are amazing!–Rebecca

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