There aren’t many things I do these days that don’t make me think about Cayden. Memories of places we went and things we did together fill my mind almost every minute. Some things are harder to do than others. Right now, I think going to the grocery store has to be the hardest thing I do.
Cayden was a helper. She loved to be my little assistant when we did chores and ran errands. She always wanted to be apart of every activity. Many days after work/school, I would pick her up and tell her we were going to the grocery store. She would get SO excited! We always went to Kroger because it was close to our house…but mostly because they had the little mini shopping carts that she could push all by herself. Every time we would pull into the parking lot she would say “Mommy, I want a little cart ok?”
I would hold her tiny had and walk with her through the parking lot into the store. She would get the little cart out all by herself. I would then tell her all the things we needed to pick up that day. She loved to help pick out apples, count them and put them in the bag. She was the best little assistant shopper. While shopping, she would always ask for donuts. So when we went through the bakery area of Kroger, she would stop and pick up a box of the little powdered donut holes. They were her favorite! As we would walk through the store to pick up the rest of the things we needed, she would eat a few powered donuts and push her cart. Her little face would be covered in powdered sugar by the time we go to the check out line 🙂
After we checked out, she would push the cart through the parking lot while I kept busy keeping her from banging the cart into cars. She would help me take each bag out and put them in the trunk. When we were all finished, she and I would push the little cart to the cart return area in the parking lot…she loved that part.
Now when I go to the grocery store…I feel like a part of me is missing. I don’t have a little hand to hold in the parking lot, I get the regular size cart and I don’t pick up any powdered sugar donut holes. I pick up what I need quietly, I don’t have to tell anyone to stop running or to watch out for other people as they walk by with their carts. I see other people there, other moms with their kids, and I smile. Part of me is a little jealous, that they are there with their kids and I don’t have mine. Part of me is sad, because I miss her and I miss shopping with her. And then part of me is happy, they look cute pushing their mini cart through the isles or riding in the car cart (which Cayden also enjoyed on occasion).
For now, I try to stay positive. I try to think about all the fun we had together running little everyday activities. I like to think that when I go to the grocery store now, she’s there with me, in spirit, helping me pick out everything I need. I’m thinking me and Brent might even need to have some powdered sugar donut holes for breakfast soon 😉