When you first have a baby, getting used to life as a family is challenging. When it’s just the two of you, you’re able to go to the store when you feel like it, meet up with friends, go out to dinner on a whim…whatever. Once a baby comes into your life, your normal, everyday routine changes. Going to the grocery store takes twice as long and you have to bring twice as many things with you to survive 🙂 You can’t really ever go out to dinner, at least not without finding someone to babysit. As the months go by, you get used to this routine, you start to cherish it. Time spent at home cuddling with your little one is something you look forward to much more than going out and having wine or adult time with friends. Your priorities change, and the things you enjoy change as well.
Once you start a family, you never think about the opposite happening. It never crosses your mind that you would go back to being just two people, no one else to think about…with the exception of thinking about retirement when your kids are grown and out of the house.
Finding a “new normal” is something I struggle with everyday. For over 3 years, my life revolved around Cayden. What do I need to get for her today? Where would Cayden have fun going? What can I do that will get some of her energy out so I can let her nap while I mop the floors? Whatever the case may be…
Nowadays, I have all this extra time on my hands. I have the overwhelming need to keep busy and out of the house (staying inside can be quite depressing, and your mind runs away with you). Brent and I have joined Planet Fitness, and chosen diet and workout plans to keep us busy. Its something constructive to do that keeps you out and about for at least a couple of hours.
I’m currently working on a new little project in memory of Cayden. I am looking into some things I can do to help a non-profit group that helps families who deal with the flu. This organization, Families Fighting Flu, www.familiesfightingflu.org, do work to help spread the news about the signs and dangers of the flu, keep you informed with news regarding the flu season and also help families who grief the loss of a family member from the flu. I think working with them to raise money in Cayden’s honor is a perfect thing to do to make sure her memory lives on. It’s also something for me to work on that occupies time and makes me feel good about helping others.
It’s interesting, when you have a small child, you often dream about those moments you get to yourself. You long to have 1 day running errands without a child attached to you. You look forward to the 2 hours you get with your girlfriends alone while the grandparents babysit. Time for yourself is so hard to get once you have a baby. It’s not that you’re a bad parent, but everyone likes a little break every once in a while 🙂 I did and always will cherished my time with Cayden. I love her to pieces. I spent weekends doing whatever I knew she would have the most fun doing. I sacrificed my time for her, to make her happy. And I, in turn, was never more happy doing so.
Now I have alllllll this free time, and I wish I could give every minute of it back. I am learning to live again, with the best part of my life missing. I know I will slowly learn to live in this new normal, and enjoy life as Cayden would want me to. I hope she’s proud. I like to think she’s with me on this journey, helping me with each little step…just as she would do if she was right here with me.
Love you baby ❤
***I will be posting some information soon on the blog with a page on how you can purchase #pinkforcadybug bracelets! All of the proceeds will go to Families Fighting Flu in Cayden’s name. Check out their website for more information. Keep an eye out for the update!